Delayed gratification is essentially the process of giving up what you want now, for getting what you want later on. It may be giving up that rich dessert in order to have an ideal weight, or delaying a shiny new car until we can afford it. It is one of the symbols of emotional maturity and self-control. Poor impulse control will lead to all sorts of trouble physically, emotionally, financially and socially. To get an idea of the importance of this quality, read on about the famous Stanford Marshmallow test below.
Stanford Marshmallow test
Walter Michel of Stanford conducted a test of the ability of four year old children to control impulses and delay gratification. Each child was taken separately into a room with a one-way mirror. A marshmallow was placed on a table in front of them, and the experimenter told them he had to leave and that they could have the marshmallow right then, but if they waited for the experimenter to return from an errand, they could have two marshmallows. Some children waited for the full twenty minutes without touching the marshmallow, while others ate the marshmallow almost immediately. The experimentors caught up with the kids 14 years later, and comparisons were made between the children who ate the marshmallow (the “impulsive”) and the ones who delayed gratification in order to receive the second marshmallow (“impulse controlled”).
There was an amazing 210 point total score difference on the SAT scores of the impulse controlled children and that of the impulsive ones! Also, the impulse controlled children proved to be more assertive, confident and popular, whereas the impulsive ones were less successful and were sulky or moody. The children with higher impulse control proved to have a significantly higher EQ than the implulsive ones.
Cultivating delayed gratification ability
From this test, it seems obvious that people with better ability for delayed gratification are more equipped for a satisfying and fulfilling life. So is it a skill we are born with, or can it be cultivated? The answer is, fortunately, yes, the skill can be cultivated by anyone. Let us see how.
Cultivating the ability for delayed gratification involves improving your self-control and will power. Just like a muscle, these traits get stronger as you use them more. Let me share some techniques with you to get you started.
Avoiding Temptation
If you cannot resist temptation, avoid it! If you cannot resist shopping, stay away from the malls and find somewhere else to spend time with your friends. Or it could be other changes, like changing our jogging route or disconnecting the internet or deleting your online shopping accounts or giving up your credit card etc.
Distraction
The impluse-controlled children of the Marshmallow experiment distracted themselves from eating the marshmallow by playing with their fingers, looking away from the marshmallow and a host of other techniques. You can effectively use distraction to delay gratification as well. Next time you are tempted, distract yourself with something! The more you can take focus away from the temptation, the better!
Setting Reminders
You could set reminders to keep you focussed on your long time goal. Having a screen saver displaying a savings target, or carrying a card with your ideal weight (or your current weight, if that works better) written on it in your purse, or writing your ideal exam score in a post-it and placing it next to the TV screen can all gently remind you of what is more important that your immediate want.
Positive Visualizing
Visualizing your longtime goal in vivid detail can really help you to resist your impulses. When you are faced with a temptation, start thinking about your longtime goal, imagine it in vivid detail. Imagine the scent of the bank notes, or the curves of a perfect bod. Visualize it until you can muster enough courage to say no to the immediate temptation.
Negative Visualizing
For some people, negative visualization works better than positive ones. When you are tempted for an extra dessert, visualize the extra dessert going right to your abdomen and making it bulge. When you want to spend your money on an impulse buy, visualize never having enough money to meet your targets, and going broke and having no retirement income.
Association
Hanging around with people who represent your ideal state, is a great way to check your impulses. If everyone in your group eats fat-free food, you will go along too. If everyone you hang out with invest money wisely, soon you will pick it up too. Try to avoid people who represent the opposite of your ideal state, otherwise there is a good chance they could influence you into instant gratification.
Starting small
If you are used to a pattern of instant gratification in your life, it is unreasonable and pretty much impossible to fully control it overnight. You can, however, start small and work your way up. Pick things that you don’t feel too pressured to buy/eat, and then strengthen your will by delaying your gratification and controlling your will.
Using a combination of these techniques, you can improve your will power and get better at delaying gratification. As the Stanford Marshmallow test shows, this one ability can open the doors to success for you. Good luck!